


through the alley until you get to the header

by brawltogethernow



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, bite-sized mechanicsburg shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 02:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brawltogethernow/pseuds/brawltogethernow
Summary: “Vot? Ho, Hy ken’t read,” says the Jäger.“Then what is that,” the tourist asks.





	through the alley until you get to the header

“Vot? Ho, Hy ken’t read,” says the Jäger.

The tourist looks down at the pamphlet in the Jäger’s hands. The side facing them is headlined **AUNTY AGONY VILL FIX ALL YOUR SCHTUPID**

The Jäger ignores their pointed stare, turning a page.

“Then what is that,” the tourist finally asks.

“Oh, dis?” says the Jäger. “Haz pretty pictures. See?”

He holds it out for inspection. The margins are indeed printed with doodles of grinning monster skulls.

“…What is that one,” asks the tourist, pointing.

“Iz somevun beink impaled, like,” says the Jäger helpfully. “See? Iz _clearly_ meant to be vun of dem icy guys’ schpears.”

“The Polar Lords?”

“Yah, dem,” shrugs the Jäger, and turns back to the page.

“…But why.”

“Ho! So hyu iz vun of dem phee-lo-sophical types. Hyu know, iz good kvestion, very deep. _Hy_ tink ve iz all playtings for some massive schmottguy, hyu know? Hy – ”

“So you _can’t_ tell me what this sign means,” says the tourist. The sign they found the Jäger lounging against reads:

← snails  
SNAILS →  
↑ snayls  
↓ all natural snails  
↗ danger snails  
↙ gourmet snails

“Nope,” says the Jäger, shrugging affably. “Hy ken’t read.”

He turns another page. Eventually he pulls out a pen, licks it (all the way from the bottom to the nib, with a tongue very like a frog’s), and starts crossing out lines on what appears to be a word search. The tourist leans over, hopefully subtly. It looks like every single one of the hidden words is “shlotter”.

The tourist leans away again, and, deciding to pick their battles, hefts their backpack and begins wandering in the opposite direction from “danger snails”.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to a [message](http://brawltogethernow.tumblr.com/post/177034279961/in-bill-and-barrys-time-some-jagers-come-up-with) I got from an anon: "In Bill and Barry's time, some Jagers come up with a newsletter. Jorgi is the chief editor. They even have an Agony Aunt column. The Agony Aunt is called Auntie Agony, because JAGERS. The identity of Auntie Agony remains a mystery to this day. (It's actually Jenka.)"
> 
> Also check out [this addition](http://brawltogethernow.tumblr.com/post/177592516806/im-laughing-at-the-agony-aunt-promising-to-fix) partially penned by [Timmie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themysteriousinternetentity/pseuds/themysteriousinternetentity). EDIT: Now on AO3, see under related works, and continuing! _Nice._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [AUNTY AGONY VILL FIX ALL YOUR SCHTUPID](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15865620) by [themysteriousinternetentity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themysteriousinternetentity/pseuds/themysteriousinternetentity)
  * [De Evil Haz Been Defeated!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062704) by [Luunyscarlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luunyscarlet/pseuds/Luunyscarlet)
  * [Attack of the giant roombas!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16107863) by [Luunyscarlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luunyscarlet/pseuds/Luunyscarlet)




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